"Biting on a nut!!!"

It's such a peculiar feeling that I have currently.

I don't really know what is going on.

Unexplainable. 

I'd love to just take a week off to go away.

I don't really like blogging when I don't feel 100%.

But then again, it works out here because then I don't have to take it out on anyone.

a) I don't feel like I have a secure group:

I have people at home but there's a growing distance. They're home, I'm here, it's just different.

I have people at UCSB but nobody who has really caught my attention. I mean, everyone is incredibly nice and good. I'm just saying, no one that has connected with me on more than one level.

I have Westmont but all the girls, well they have all grown much closer which is inevitably going to occur, you know? This doesn't mean that I'm not loved or wanted, it's just my insecurity eating at me.

I have my family but they don't know the new me and it's hard because I love talking about God. I love it and it's sad when I feel like I can't around the people I love the most.

b) I have a strange cold.

I think it's a chest cold, as Diana pointed out.

Possibly bronchitis.

It's unusual because when I get sick (which isn't very often) it's usually just a regular runny nose, sore throat deal.

This one is like a painful throat-thick cough that abuses me when it emerges.

I think I will listen to Daniel and see a doctor on Monday or when they're available.

I will make the effort of a bus/cab/missing class if I have to.

I'm curious to see if there is something wrong or if it's just a really vicious cold.

c) I have not been as physically capable as I want to be.

Partly because of my sickness and waiting for it to pass.

I plan on changing this very, very soon.

Well. I don't want to throw myself a pity party. I really do not like to feel sorry for myself. I really don't like that. I just want to make it better. And it will happen, right? Yeah. 

In an effort to be optimistic, here is a list of things that make me happy:

a) It's November! Thanksgiving! There is a 60% chance I'm going to New York!

b) The weather is chilly.

c) I have amazing coffee in my apartment!

d) I have my own apartment! With my own bedroom!

e) Diana's strength inspires me.

f) Christmas is almost here! 

g) My boyfriend will return in a handful of weeks! And we get to hug and kiss!

h) I have gotten through midterms, it's over and over and OVER.

i) We had a girls night last night and it was refreshing.

j) I have yoga on Wednesdays!

This list is MUCH longer and MUCH better.

Hallelujah for the good things in life.

Let's go to state street and get coffee and read some Friedrich Durrenmatt works.