I've been, I've been silent.

I've come to a few conclusions this evening:

a) 

I've got some really amazing people in my life. I've known this for a while now, but I'm talking about old AND new. I'd especially like to recognize the new while also being grateful for the old. I have this awesome community at UCSB. My bible study girls are ridiculously sweet. Everyone at Real Life. I'm just blown away at how many people have been contacting me, asking how I'm doing at home and telling me that I'm in their prayers. It really just makes me ache with gratefulness. I'm so incredibly thankful for the concerns and words of advice. Let me also say, I adore my friends from home and I miss them so much when I'm away. It's so comforting to just have everything return to the way it was. 

b) 

I'm addicted to caffeine. When I don't have coffee, such as today, I appear to be okay until about 9pm when a MASSIVE migraine just tackles me. I can barely keep my eyes open. I refuse to have coffee this late in the night so I just have to take some ibuprofen and sleep. 

c) 

While I have always had issues with my body type, I really need to relax. This is me. This is my shape. I will never been rail thin. My stomach might not ever flatten to nothingness. I have curves and extra skin and more curves. I'm not fat, yes I know. I'm also not necessarily skinny either. I'm just there. I've been called, 'petite'. My mind has been going really crazy lately because I haven't been working out. This may seem weird. Honestly, this whole thing is weird. I need to get over myself. When I work out, I don't feel bad about my body shape and I just accept. So now, the solution is simple: get back into it. I probably will be waking up at ungodly hours next quarter to run in the mornings but SHIT if that's what it's going to take for my brain to stop being overactive, then SO BE IT. I'll wake up early and go to bed early. Done. 

d)

I don't feel like I need to detail this portion but I am so satisfied with my boyfriend. Granted, there are glitches in our relationship but we all know that it happens. This week, he's been sick so our time has been spent just sitting, resting, and laying on couches but I don't have any complaints. I anticipate that we will probably be hanging out less since his best friend in the world has returned but I'm okay with this. I love him. Love. He makes me so happy. 

e)

I really need to figure out what it is that I am meant to pursue career wise. I just need to spend some time. I absolutely hate this unsure uneasiness. But then I love that the future is just waiting for me to make a choice. That there is so much life to be lived. 

f)

I don't know what I think of the conversation I had with my mom other than the following words: relieved that is was opened up, inadequate, interesting, strange, sad.

g)

I feel for Diana. I just know that she is hurting and I wish I could pick up her pieces and mend her. But I can't. She has a beautiful heart and I pray that she lets God take it from here.

That's all. Tomorrow is Friday. My winter break is much too short. I only have 2 weeks left. Whaaaaaa?