I went to bed just fine last night. I had it handled. And then I woke up thinking it was all a dream but it really wasn't. And my heart hurt really bad. And then I thought about it more and more. And I'm really upset. Why am I so upset? This boy is so not worth it anymore. If he was worth it, he would never make my heart ache in this way. He's an asshole and he knows it. And he has no grounds to be an asshole to me. So go ahead and let other people down. Just don't do it on my time anymore. Why do am I this upset? Why do I care so much? What the HECK. I'm not this girl. I can handle boys leaving my life. I've only had 3 boyfriends in my life. I'm not the date around kinda person. I'm fine with being alone. Because I always knew I was never alone. I've always had God to look to. It's just this one, right now. This boy. This asshole, this selfish child. Why does he get me all riled up? He's so good at being consistently disappointing. And I know it! I've been praying for God to take my heart. And I know he will, but I haven't fully given it to him. How can He take something when I haven't fully let it go? It's been 4 months now. It's always on a 17th. He asked me out on a 17. I broke up with him on a 17. He pretended I wasn't there on a 17. That sounds so lame. So LAME. What the hell is your problem. I just want to yell at him so badly. I'm just as stubborn as you are, if not more, but when it comes down to it I know when I have to drop it and do what's right. Technically, he doesn't have to say anything to me. I know, I know. He doesn't really have to say hey, what's up, we dated for 8 months, right? He owes me nothing. I broke up with him. (On a side note, I think it's possible that in certain situations, the one that does the breaking up has a harder time and takes longer to recover, possibly because he/she felt stronger about the other.) However, it doesn't mean he has to play the victim card until the day he dies, if thats what he is, in fact, doing. I guess what hurts the most is thinking that I really just didn't matter enough to him. That I was just another girl in his plethora of ex-girlfriends that has finally faded into the background. Just someone else. A wallflower. And now he will move on to the next one. Well, if this is truly the case, and it very well could be, I really hope he finds happiness. He deserves it. No one deserves to have a broken heart. It's just too hard. And as much as I want to say, Daniel, I hope the next one breaks your heart, I won't. Instead I'll say, I hope she makes you feel wonderful and that she loves you in a way no one else could. On that note, I'm going to take a shower and just start my day. I apologize for the ranting. I don't think I ever fully let myself get over him. Only because I didn't want to. And now I want to. I have no reason to hold on. Okay. Deep breath. Hot or maybe cold shower. Hot. That's it.
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