I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon.

This house is much too quiet when Lilo's on vacation. 

I'll have to play music really loudly.

It can't get loud enough.

Cryptic words meander.

And yes, another midday post. I feel as though I have been more inclined to write in the past week compared to the majority of my summer vacation. Well, it makes perfect sense, doesn't it? I'm home a lot more, the days have been just a little bit slower and most of the people who I had chosen to pass the time with are currently not as available as I am. Which is entirely okay with me. I thoroughly savor days like this where I spend hours alone or with my parents. When I was younger, I used to love summer nights where I would have the television all to myself to watch Nick at Night episodes of Three's Company and The Munsters. Or hot afternoons where I would go to the library and read for hours while my mom would be in Ross or Marshalls. Speaking of Marshalls, they're all closing!! What is THAT about? I'm not that concerned because I'm more of a TJ Maxx and More kinda girl. Which is exactly where I was today with my parents. My poor, poor dad. My mom just gets lost in herself and completely takes her sweet time while my dad just waits around for her start walking towards the register. I didn't even bother looking for anything to buy, I just tried to distract him by going to Starbucks, walking around the store and just making jokes. You know, when I get married, I plan on taking all of my leisurely shopping days on my own time without any sign of my husband. Unless he NEEDS to be there to decide between his own merchandise. Other than that, no thank you and also, you're welcome to the imaginary husband I'm speaking at here.  At Starbucks, I saw Kevin and Joey, which was a nice surprise. After that TJ experience, we went to Costco. My lunch consisted of samples of pineapple marinated hot dogs, a smidge of a pizza slice, two doritos, a shot of an energy drink and a teaspoon of 7 layer dip. Because I go to Costco, maybe once every 3 months, I noticed that there were SO many persian families and employees filling up the place that it felt like a marketplace. Farsi being spat out left and right. It was good fun. Now that I'm home, I have planned a lovely evening for myself. My parents are going out to dinner tonight so I have a solid 6 or so hours to myself. I expect that I will make a nice meal, which I have yet to decide on. Possibly roasted chicken and mushroom risotto. Or maybe a chicken salad and roasted potatoes. Ah, I love cooking SO much. It gives me oodles of pleasure. My dad bought a large carton of Fat Tires as well, so I might help myself to one. During my romantic meal to myself, I plan on watching some episodes of Lost, probably season 2. I'll probably get to bed before midnight. Perfect.

>>>I have to take note on what my Dad just did 5 minutes ago. 

I was complimented today. This happens, always. Once a month, at least. Not the complimenting, I mean... I'm referring to what my dad just did and its frequency. It's a persian cultural tradition. Applicable to any one of these situations inflicted upon a family member: a compliment, a new purchase such as a car or house, a negative premonition. It's been said that when this process is performed, all evil spirits will be driven away, averting the evil eye that is a predominant symbol in classic persian literature. Shiite islamic sources take a step deeper, claiming there is an angel in each of the plants' leaves and seeds that banish away sorrow and magic. They also assume that with this odor in the house, the devil is kept a distance of at least 70 houses. But all in all, it has nothing to do with religion and is a folk ritual.

Ingredients:

1/2 Teaspoon of Esfand weed

5X5 sheet of tin foil

Directions: 

Burn the Esfand inside the foil. Once the smoke appears, recite the following five line spell. While reciting, whirl the foil in a circular fashion above the head of whomever is to be protected. 

Spell:

Esfand bla band

Barakati Shah Naqshband

Jashmi heach jashmi khaish

Jashmi dost wa dooshmani bad andish

Be sosa der hamin atashi taze.

(I had to look that one up because I tend to just mumble the whole thing until I get to the end. I sound something like... esfand bla...shh...shh..chh...shh... su.... TAZE. ) 

Translation:

This is Esfand, it banished the Evil Eye.

The blessing of King Naqshband.

Eye of nothing, eye of relatives.

Eve of friends, eye of enemies.

Whoever is bad should burn in this glowing fire.

Seeing this all written seems so strange, like witchcraft, but it's actually quite commonplace in my house. At times, I don't even realize when it happens because it's so normal. Thanks for keeping the heeby jeeby vibes 70 houses away Mom and Dad. (I realize this last portion of the blog could have been given its own personal post buuut I wasn't about to stop, so now I will). 

Hey goombah, I love a how you dance a rhumbah.

Perche io non addormentato?

Buo! Non lo so!

Ciao mattina di domenica.

Manco il mio clase di italiano...

You fool, now that you know your end is near, you always fall for what you desire or what you fear.

This evening was pleasant. Instead of Cheesecake Factory, we had PF Changs. I love nice dinners. I met two of Shannon's friends from school who both seemed very sweet and kind. At one point, I got asked, "So are you going to rush?"

"Yeah, I don't think so."

"That's what I said too."

Okay... afterwards we decided to stop by the art/music expo that has been reoccurring all summer. Brittney Wilson had some of her work displayed so it was merely to see her. When we got there, I immediately saw Jeremy Montes, Staci, Tyler and Kim. As I entered, I noticed Joey, Jack and Kevin. Joey stood up and gave me a hug, "What are you doing here?" he repeated. Mark, who's last name escapes me was playing so I didn't find it polite to have a conversation so I just said, "Hi!" and sat down next to the boys. Mark was very emotional in his lyrics and the quality of the sound was not of the best prime rib but he is quite talented and oh man does it take guts to perform, so I give him plenty of kudos. There was a slight gap of quietness so Jack, Kevin and I conversed briefly, asking mostly about Daniel. Of course. The constant reminder. Then this group called, Open Grave Culture came on. Two boys: one raps, one does synthesizing beats. I could not take them seriously! I'm really rude but honestly, it was just too hard to keep a straight face at this kid who is unnecessarily angry with a touch of constipated? Then Chris Wakefield performed and that was alright. I've known him since I was a freshman at Mission. Our interactions have been strange. We left to Shannon's house to have cake that was DELICIOUS and very good at making me bloated. 

In other news, my mom and I have been two peas in a pod lately. Since she has had her surgery, she has been much more like herself. I'm so grateful and happy to have her back. I can't wait to get my life started and not have idle time to dwell. 

I wish I could visit Daniel at some point whilst he's there.

Brown paper, white paper. Stick it together with the tape. The tape of love.

It's the middle of a Saturday afternoon and I feel a nap coming on. That sounds terribly spoiled, doesn't it? I have had a really nice day so far, actually. I had breakfast with my parents and Maaneli, who as I was hoping, forgot why she was upset at me. I showed them the list of jazz I had come up with. At first, my parents were shutting off from it and trying to pipe me down. It was sad for me to be that enthusiastic and have them be so, well... not enthusiastic. Let's go with down right annoyed. Obviously, the thought of the youngest of the house moving out is probably really upsetting to them regardless of how proud they are. That lasted for a very brief moment however because they completely flipped a switch and are being very supportive of it all. After breakfast, I headed over to Aaron's brothers to have Daniel's print framed. It was giving me an anxious feeling to see it lying around my room in a vulnerable state. I found this nice 16X20 frame that was 75% off with a sandy colored mount that came to a total of 15 bucks. Wonderful. I then went to target and purchased little necessities such as a laundry basket, a trash can, socks, hair ties and a mattress pad. Upon coming home I was asked to give my dad a ride to the mechanic then settled in for a nice cup of coffee and an episode of Flight of the Conchords with my mom. Oh, we both just love it so much. She helped me place Daniel's print in the frame once that was through. I started rummaging through old photos that I plan on taking with me to school when she revealed a box full of vintage magazines. Now, these are from the 60s and 70s. They are probably the greatest magazines I'll ever find. Firstly, they're hard cover. Secondly, they have amazing pieces of art that makes them reminiscent of art history texts. Thirdly, they're compiled with articles that are relevant to the time published. It's hard to describe these mini time capsules but just trust that they are very unique and beautiful. She has about 20-25 of them and is allowing me to keep 4! I'm elated. I'm beginning to get really excited about moving out, if it hasn't already been inferred. 

Tonight, I have to attend dinner at Cheesecake Factory for Shannon's 19th. I'd rather have a nice night in with my parents tonight but that will have to be put on hold until tomorrow, I assume. 

When I was driving home from the mechanic to my house, I saw this elderly woman walking with at least 4 bags of groceries uphill. Her arms looked as though they were about to burst into a million pieces. I really, really, really wanted to pull over and offer her help. Like a scum bag, I didn't. I don't know why I kept driving. In my head, I imagined that I did stop. She accepted my ride and I took her home. She asked me to come inside for a pomegranate iced tea. We would have a rich conversation on life, love and economy, of course. I'd return home in the afternoon and feel right for lending out a hand in need. Well. 

I think I'll nap now.

And I'm entranced in a state of grace.

It's so late. Early. I'd like to get some rest now. Here are a handful of the days highlights:

- mom came home with a shnazzy new suv bmw. (is my dad in the mafia?)

- Maaneli ignored me all day? Deal with that at breakfast. Ugh.

- purchased my textbooks online... cheaper than occ!

- ate meatloaf for the first time, so delicious.

- spent the afternoon/night with Diana pickpacking. 

- GG episodes intermittently. 

- Daniel called; spoke with him for a solid half hour... lovely.

---Considering allowing him to look at this blogging diary of mine. It's really personal and I worry that it would potentially freak him out a little bit.

- Mailed the keys of the apartment back to my dads friend. I just remembered I left an extra key on there. Sorry Ahmad.

It saddens me to think of Diana leaving for school tomorrow. I have become really attached and comfortable around her. I plan on spending the next few weeks with my family mostly. I know I'll miss them the most when I'm gone. Especially Lilo. She's reaching 7 this year... Iiii'm changing the subject. I also plan on gathering/organizing my own possessions for my own move in day. I figure I should get roommate notice by the end of this coming week so we can coordinate accordingly but I still can take my time on the little things I want for me/my room since I have alllll the time in the world.  I also look forward to being on a more stable schedule of sleep. eating, exercise. Overall health, if you will. Strange that when I was in school, I would find myself feeling guilty for not having enough time to take care of my health. Reflecting back, I was MUCH more healthy then compared to now. The strict, time limiting and busy schedule kept me in check. Health health health. I'm using that word a lot. Losing its meaning yet?

Tomorrow night I'm supposed to go out to dinner with Shannon for her birthday, along with whomever else was invited. Will be nice to see her face. She also mentioned camping on Sunday night. I don't think I have the will for such a long evening filled with people I don't care much about. 

I feel distant from Nicole. Sometimes I feel second best to Natalia. Well, not sometimes if not always. Even when it was just her and I in San Francisco, I still was under the impression that it was not good enough. Little scenarios such as said situation make me feel so grateful for the chance I have been given to get out of this place. This post is way longer than I wanted. It's too late for rambling. Goodnight.

building nothing, laying bricks.

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Seeing this word, or any word, repeatedly makes it lose it's meaning.

I really need to get out of bed.

My neighbor's construction workers are rude.

It's 11:13am. 

Diana's still sleeping. She needs to. She doesn't get enough... oh I thought I awoke her. She's had so much to deal with. Luckily, she is moving in 1 day!

What will I do today?

I have to do something active, at one point.

Maybe I'll relearn how to bike. 

I hope I get roommate info!

I feel like shopping.

I had weiiird dreams:

I was in SF, trying to get a cab for an hour to the Embarcadero station.

Dan called and said I love you, which I quickly said back like it was no big deal?

That must have been from Sarah saying it last night to Diana. 

Okay, she's awake.

I'm hungry.

I think I'm bigger than the sound.

It really irks me when people act better than others. What is that for? Why do you need to try so hard to be on a pedestal? Okay, value yourself and think nothing but highly. Do NOT cop an attitude, don't choose to be nice when it's convenient, and also do NOT think you're impressive because you could not be further from the truth. Maybe most people are too thick to see it but rest assured, I will see riiiiight through you. 

I'm sick. You're tired. Let's dance.

It has come to my attention that I'm in love with my macbook. Lovelovelove.

Honorable mentions:

-addicted to the Trader Joe's flat cookies that are vanilla with almond thins.

-extremely curious to find out information on my roommate along with apartment commodities.

-feeling very out of shape because I have not been working out. 

-despising inconsistence. 

That's all.

Not everyone's the way you are.

I can't believe I haven't posted in 11 days. Who do I think I am? So, San Francisco was beautiful. I love it there so. There's something about that city that makes me never want to leave. I enjoy city lights, walking and bustle a great deal. Now. I'm home and very tired today. Daniel left for New York this morning. I basically packed his large wardrobe into small balls and he placed them into bags. I felt very useful. Then I layed with him and tried to coax him cause he was a big ball of nerves. I let him talk about his punishments as a child, the difference of feelings in moving to SB versus NY, ex-girlfriends and second hand smoke. Anxious/delirious chatter. I left his house around 4:20am with two of his shirts and one of his prints. Oh, it will be a great learning experience. He already called to let me know he's somewhat settled and his roommate, whom he was ridiculously fearful of due to his unavailability on social networks, seems normal. What else do I feel like doing today? I don't want to get out of bed. I'm so relaxed. I want to get room service and watch a film in bed. Neither of which are possible but hey, we're talking about what I feeeel like doing oppose to what I can do. I should turn the air conditioner off. Lazy. I would like to appreciate days like this of no accomplishments because this time next month I will be in school and incapable of laying in bed with Lilo resting on my legs. Yeahps. I wish there was something much more profound that I could add to make this post just a little more endearing but thats not what I'm going for today. Aaaand end scene.

Long long long.

Yesterday was a long day.

Okay so, I woke up early because I was really looking forward to seeing Dan. I did a few things and when I was done, I got a call from him with details etc. I had to go to Saddleback Church and as I parked, I had a moment of anxiety of not knowing whether or not to search for him in the large crowd of people or just call. I realized I was being unnecessarily scatterbrained so I opened the door and walked. It took me a few minutes but we locked eyes and hugged tightly. He looked radiant, tan and bearded. I loved the facial hair. Ah. He took me around and I met this one girl, Wendy, who was very warm. Saw Taylor and Joey, too. Joey seemed glad to see me which felt really good too. Afterwards I took Dan and Joey to Mickey D's then back to Dans. My boyfriend looked so worn out. They kept talking about this and that kid. Then I took Joey to his house and went back to Dans. He was sitting with his laptop on his lap because he is soooo in love with the internet/his computer that he couldn't just set it aside to talk. He did mention the Persian man who gave an interesting testimonial along with wanting to hang out with everyone since he is due to leave very soon. Then we sat and watched Degrassi, yeah... no other channels were working but it was good dramatic fun, for an hour or so as he would get phone call after text about hanging out. I decided to get going and prepare for Brittneys dinner so he walked me out. When he was kissing me goodbye, he paused and looked at me in this way that made me almost melt onto the asphalt. I don't know what was going through his head at that moment but I felt as light as air. I reluctantly drove home and packed a few things to head over to Nicole's. Got over there around 6. We got dressed and Natalia came around 6:45. I drove us to Javier's in Crystal Cove, which was not where I initially expected to go. Regardless, it was a really nicely decorated restaurant. Brittney was so happy and bubbly, I loved it. She invited us three along with her boyfriend, brother and girls she worked with. Fortunately, I worked with all of them as well so it became a makeshift reunion. They kept saying I look identical to Alexis Bledel (Gilmore Girls) and I really don't agree with that but it would not stop all night. I accepted only so it would pass. We were seated in a completely separated room that had thrown chairs and mosaic tiled walls, it was unbelievable. It was a lot of fun actually. Afterwards, there was nothing to do as expected. Nicole got a call from Jake asking if we wanted to go to the Mission Viejo Lake with him and friends. We agreed and I couldn't help but wonder if Dan would be around. Well, we changed into not so fancy apparel and  arrived around 12:30. Okay, pause. I am freezing in my room right now. I need warmth. Anyway, the girls and I were really tired at that point so nothing felt real, just laughing and jokes between us. Jake was the only one to stay and sat with us telling stories of Las Vegas. I felt like I was being put to sleep. I was so relaxed listening to him talk that I had to close my eyes for a while. Natalia and I left around 2:30. Nicole and Jake, I think ended up talking for longer... 

Today, I woke up grumpy. I felt awful. Snapped at my mother for no specific reason. Then she attacked me on the subject of tattoos. Then I holed myself up in my room thinking of why I felt so moody. As I left my bedroom, my mom grabbed me immediately. She hugged me and would not let go. Seriously. I had to pull her off. She started crying and saying she was going to miss me and how I'd miss her too. Long story short, the whole idea of hey, I'm going to need a laptop for school came up and now I am typing away on a BRAND NEW MACBOOK. Why do I act so selfishly sometimes? I am ridiculously lucky for every single person, situation and the time in my life right now. I will snap out of this a.s.a.p. otherwise I will be very unhappy and regretful. 

Follow me down to the rose parade.

I've spent the past few days with my family and favorite friends. I love it. I've also participated in summer time shenanigans such as beach and pool tanning days. Monday, I spent the night watching the olympics. Tuesday, the same with Nicole and Brittney. Wednesday, again the olympics and sleeping early. Tonight, no olympics. I did go to the gym with Diana after watching tivo'd games. Everyday that passes with Diana, I feel more and more like she is someone I've known for years in a comforted, familiar, natural friendship. I felt amazing after the gym albeit the rushing due to Nicole coming over. I went to the spectrum with her and Natalia to find Brittney a present. We did. Then CPK for soup and salads. I think I scared the waiter off at one point. I felt terrible about it. Nicole was about to begin a story after the introduction of, "Okay, I'm only going to tell you guys this..." and I look over my shoulder and noticed his approach so I said to her, "Wait." He thought I was talking to him because he immediately turned around with a distant "Oh, okay. I'll come back." He was very nervous, anxious and dorky so I just felt really rude. She also mentioned that Roy, Ryan and Brandon were going to come to San Francisco for Fridays show. I think Natalia is going to try to drive with them and purchase a ticket for $85. If I were dripping with money, I'd buy all my friends tickets to come to these things only so I could selfishly enjoy the company. One day, maybe? Afterwards, we decided on seeing Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2. Oh my gosh, it was great. I cried a number of times. It is the best chick teen flick I have seen since, gah I can't even remember. I want to say Mean Girls. Even though that's just a comedy. Anyway, it was a good one. Nicole and I came back to my house and played with clothes, talked, looked at pictures. It was great. Then I got ready for bed and thought of tomorrow. Of seeing Dan. It's been over a week with no real conversation or much interaction. Then he called! So strange. He was really tired and said he wanted to sleep for days when he's home. Then he asked me if I wanted to pick him up at Saddleback Church, which of course, I do. 12 pm or so. I'm looking forward to that. It's also Brittney's 21st tomorrow. How exciting for her, eh? I can't believe my close friends are turning 21 this coming year. And me. Where does the time go? I'm going to bed so that tomorrow will get here sooner.

I declare

your style, with mervyns. The olympics are nuuuuuts. I decided to stay in tonight. I'm glad I did. I could have gone to see Nicole and Natalie at the bowling alley with Jake, Byron, Jeff and Bumper. I do really want to see Nicole, since I haven't since Thursday but I would rather sit and fill her in on everything rather then be around everyone. You'd think she'd feel the same? Thaaaat's okay. I love sitting here and analyzing the men floor exercises with my pop. I appreciate these little things. Especially since this time in two months, I won't be living here. Diana mentioned staying with her for a few days before I move in just to hang out and kill time... I think I really want to do that for a number of reasons a) I'm itching to get it all started. b) All my friends will already be in school. I'm so lucky to have Diana in my life, especially right at this moment. I never really say things like this, but it must have been an act of some God to have her around for such a pivotal and crucial transition in my life. It really comforts me to know I'll have her just around the corner when I'm gone. I miss Dan a little bit but not enough to where it's unbearable. That's good right? I do have thoughts of wanting to text him like, hey, hi, miss you. But I don't wanna come on too strong. I mean, I'm sure he's having so much fun up in Ojai. When I first read that name I thought it was pronounced, OJ. Smart. Just like when I thought quesadilla was ques-a-dilly-a. Okay that was when I was like 8, alright? Tomorrow, what shall I do with myself? Something in the sun sounds nice.

Aloo, beeya bokhor pollo.

Well, well, well.
I had a really nice weekend.
Let's dissect.
On Thursday night I met Maaneli at Matt at the spectrum (they had to go to his sisters birthday dinner) where we took off at 9:30ish.
Got myself a filet-o-fish that was so great.
We listened to Dave Chappelle on the drive.
As we got closer to Santa Barbara, I noticed the oil drilling ramp thing with the lights and the Santa display that Dan had told me about. Made me think of him. Cue the smile.
We got into town around midnight.
Stayed at the Best Western Beachside Inn, expecting the worst and recieving just about the best.
Fell asleep about half an hour afterwards.
On Friday, we woke up really early for orientation.
Maaneli and Matt dropped me off and spent the day hanging out with their friends, which I was rather envious of.
They ran into Diana, which is craziness.
It was a long day for me (7am-330 pm)
Got a bag full of info, stood in line for ID, sat through a 3 hour long lecture, took a tour of campus, ate lunch with Kristen who seemed so nice, waited to talk to my major advisor, realized I have to take calculus and statistics and almost cried.
Matt and Maan picked me up and I was exhausted from information and walking around.
We took the 101 to San Jose and it was a beautiful drive.
I was taking so many pictures throughout.
We stopped in San Luis Obispo and I thought it'd be fitting for a weekend visit.
I started doubting my psychology major.
I talked it through with M and M telling them how much I loved photography, how much I'd love that to be my choice, what to do and such.
Maaneli thinks I'm talented enough to go through with it, Matt had a more practical response.
It left me with an uneasy, crappy feeling of being lost.
Got into San Jose around 8:45.
My grandparents on my Dad's side are the most amazing people. Ever.
We were immediately served so much food. I ate more than needed but ah, how it hit the spot.
Rice that had cranberries and almond slivers with homemade kabob and chicken drumsticks.
Had a strange phonecall that was unnecessary.
Went to best around 1am.

On Saturday, my grandma greeted us with breakfast.
Matt got to see what my grandpa eats.
Cow tongue.
Ugh. I can't even look at it. It's so gross to visually see.
Afterwards, we took a trip down memory lane.
Drove to the last house we lived in, the school where I had preschool and my sisters went through til 6th grade, Maaneli's jr. high, my grandmothers old house that we grew up in, AVAC gym, Aram bakery and Los Gatos.
We parked in Los Gatos and walked around.
M and M had the famous gelato and I got an iced coffee.
Matt bought my grandma these beautiful flowers.
Went back to my grandparents house.
They talked about life in Iran.
How different and more quality things were/still are.
How my grandpa still gets payed from the oil reserves job he had.
How he gives her money every month that she uses only for charity and church.
She is honestly so unbelievably generous, loving, and everything that is good.
Her main purpose in life is to make everyone else happy and satisfied, regardless of how much it takes out of her.
She believes that God will take care of her in the end so she has nothing to lose in her constant giving behavior.
I only hope that I can be a fraction of the person she is.
I could go on and on about how amazing she is, seriously.
I'll go on though.
My dad and Mandana got in right after all that.
They brought a laptop for me so I could register for classes.
After 4 hours, I finally figured out something to work with.
Almost everything was full, leaving me with a lame and random schedule.
Monday through Friday.
----Mondays: 9-9:50 Calculus, 10-10:50 Environmental History, 3:30-4:45 Modern Contemporary Theater
----Tuesdays: 8-8:50 Calculus, 12:30-3:20 Indian Cinema
----Wednesdays: same as Monday
----Thursday: same as Tuesday
----Friday: 9-9:50 Calculus, 10-10:50 Environmental History
Yeah, pretty jam packed, eh? I don't know about the theater and cinema classes. They were the only ones available and satisfy upper division courses that I need.
Blehhhh.
Whatever, I figure, I'll check it out and if I panic, I'll make an appt with a counselor and switch it up within the second week or so.
Calculus scares the crap out of me.
Okay, so, San Jose.
That night, we went to my uncle's house where the rest of my family would be to celebrate Mandana's graduation.
It was good fun, food and times.
Took a lot of pictures.
Had a strange fortune of bad luck, of an anticipated broken heart.
Then Dan called minutes after.
It was strange...
After a series of text messages, he said he missed me and I felt better about the episode.
I figure, if things end up in an unfortunate manner then so be it.
But I hope not.
Everything happens for a reason and I'm willing to risk the pain cause I genuinely really like the guy.
I don't want to look to into it so I'm going to try not to.
On Sunday, we had breakfast with everyone at Moshgan's.
Again, it was so nice to be with all my family.
Afterwards, we headed over to this outdoor mallish shopping plaza that was SUPER nice and new, Santana Row.
My dad, Maaneli and Matt stayed for a little then left around 3 cause they had to drive.
I could tell Maaneli really didn't want to leave.
I had my arm around her as we walked to the car.
Then Moshgan took my grandma back and the rest of us (Ameh Mitra, her husband, my two cousins, Mandana) stayed.
We walked around and had lunch at this adorable cafe.
Then we drove to Moshgan's house.
I fell asleep while Mandana went swimming with my cousins.
I woke up and had a glass of white wine with her and Moshgan.
My grandma came over with more food.
Mmm.
Before we knew it we had to leave.
My Ameh Mitra, my grandma and my cousin took us to the airport.
My grandma sat in the back, between us and I had my head on her shoulder through the drive.
I could feel a lump in the back of my throat as we drove.
We got to the airport and as I went to hug her, she had tears in her eyes.
Well, that was it for me.
I lost it.
Shower storm between her, me, Mandana and my aunt.
It's always so hard to say goodbye to my grandma.
Especially when she says things like, "I pray that I live long enough to see you get married and have kids" as I'm leaving.
When they left, we realized that our flight was in 25 minutes.
We rushed through security, checking in etc.
Got to the terminal to see that we really weren't that late.
Ended up sitting in the back of the plane but at least we were together.
The flight wasn't too bad, it actually went by really quickly.
Only an hour and 20 minutes.
We landed around 10:15 and waited for my mom to pick us up.
And that was that.
Here's to another week of summer.

I feel like a soggy piece of buttered toast.

I'm not sure what today was like. Nothing spectacularly memorable in a good or bad light. From the moment I woke up I was just really eeeeeeeeehhh. I should have gone to the gym but oh, of course I didn't. I did appreciate reading articles from Discover magazine. I also appreciated talking with Nicole. I didn't really want to go home afterwards but I also didn't feel like going bowling with Dan +friends. I actually sat in my car listening to music in the parking lot of the clubhouse for 20 minutes in a strange numb haze fog of almost wanting to cry but not actually committing. He told me he'd call me afterwards so I could go to his house and hang out. Well, it's now almost midnight and that's clearly not gonna happen. Hmm. I hate feeling neglected but I hate more that I have the feeling from a newly found boyfriend. I wanted to have some cutesy boyfriend alone time but it didn't quite happen that way. I think my mind reinforced that want due to the fact that I'm going out of town this weekend and when I get back, he leaves for a week. Whatever, right? It's just 9 days or something. Annnyywwwwaaaayyyyyyy, I am looking forward to orientation only because I get to sign up for classes. Yeeaaah. Then San Jose for Mandana's graduation party. And family. And farsi. And aMAZing food. Ughhhhh I hate the emotional baggage of being feminine with feelings and crap. Tomorrow, I plan on not sleeping in, working out, maybe laying by the pool, gathering materials for orientation, (if time) going to the mall for something dressy to wear per la festa, packing, straightening my hair and then hitting the road. Yesireebob.

and it's all nice.

Today, Dan took me to Santa Barbara for a guide through his perspective. I am currently really tired yet somehow awake enough to feel the need to write about it. I'll be sure to tuck myself in once I complete every thought.

The Drive Up:
Elliott Smith, Interpol.
I tend to get really pensive on drives/trips because I get caught up in the absorption of my surroundings.
Conversations about: contrasting relationship patterns, landmarks, seafood seafood.
Once I saw the ocean on the 101, I just felt overwhelmingly, although internally, giddy and happy.
I felt this same way my first (only other) trip to the town.

First Stop:
Westmont.
Seeing these amazing homes thinking, 'Are these really that big?'
Walk into the art building and meet some guy whose name escapes me and Nicholas.
Dan talks to him for longer than I expect.
I feel very unsure of how to occupy myself so I look through magazines/directions for the solar press.

Second Stop:
Belmont Beach.
So nice and so expensive seeming.
I can see what Diana meant by a place to go for thinking and clearing the mind.

Third Stop:
Dan's church.
As we decide to get lunch, he realizes he forgot his glasses in Nicholas' office.
Head back to Westmont.
Pass his church that looks interesting to me so he stops to show me inside.
It's unlike any other church I've ever actually physically walked into.
I was blown away and fascinated by the beauty, detail, calmness.
I probably could have sat in there for longer because I felt so quiet and at ease.
Head back to Westmont for the glasses.

Fourth Stop:
State street.
Have lunch at Lettuce Be Frank, suuuuch a good veggie sandwich.
Walk down to the record store.
After much deliberation, I spend 30 dollars on Figure 8 on record.
Then grab a coffee.
Walk back to the car.

Fifth Stop.
UCSB.
Belle and Sebastian.
The main purpose was to check out the housing I was given.
Still under construction... disappointing but I get over it.
I mean, put some pictures up online already, the floor plans are NOT good enough.

Sixth Stop.
The pier.
We park and walk to the end, sit on the log.
Two pelicans are perched really close to us.
One looks sick and proceeds to poop on several occasions.
Lots of foreign tourists are noticed.
We talk about him moving to New York.
I tell him how I don't know why he'd start only to stop.
Long story short, looks like a long distance relationship is in the works.
I don't know what that will entail but I'm willing to give it a shot.
Everything happens for a reason.
"Now, don't get all crazy on me", he says at the end.
Whatever that means, Imma let that one just make me laugh.
Walk back to the car due to his fear of being pooped on.

The Drive Home:
Conversations about: similarities NY/SB for the two of us, mutual friends, high school perceptions, Kim's party and how I almost didn't go, how I initially caught his eye, myspace messaging, getting along with this friends, the Chris compliment, life after UCSB, life after Westmont, his excitement for NY and the fate of him coming back where I am, the wanting of a family, how my parents met, their lives in Iran, the Middle East, the US involvement in the Middle East, how his parents met, how they grew up, his grandparents.


Then we went to Lollicup to meet the gang. Then his house for Conan episodes where I soaked into the couch and fell asleep with my eyes open. Not completely, but I was tired and how am I still awake for this right now? I'm just so content and satisfied right now. I have nothing to be worried about. I have this bright and exciting move/adventure ahead of me, amazingly wonderful friends, and a lovely boyfriend who makes me happy. I could not ask for anything more.

And I bet you're making shells back home for a steady boy to wear.

I'm half sick  with a cold/half in denial. It's great. Also, I'm not sure why but lately I expect so much more for the evenings. I want really spectacular things to come into place whether it be conversation, locations, activities, etc. Nothing goes on. It has the potential to lead to incredible disappointment. I feel like there has to be so much more than sit and watch people play OTL or get drunk at so and so's. I'm SO SICK of it. Even if I had my own house to myself, I'd just surround myself with music and loved ones and that would be enough. How do I get my parents to skip town for a month? Hmm... I think the trick is to expect nothing and become pleasantly surprised. I'm sure this is a precursor to this upcoming year in a different city; a really ridiculously mellow summer to an exciting, riveting school year. I'll take that? Okay.