And we'll become.

Tonight was not as I expected.

You know, when you don't plan things, either it can go really well or really terribly.

Well, neither of the two occurred. 

I mean, I was going to have friends over tonight to hang out, have some snacks, reminisce on better days, say farewell of sorts and drink champagne.

Not having Maaneli around, Natalia couldn't make it, Nicole had class in the morning, Brittney got off of work at 11... well, it just wouldn't cut it for me.

So I called it off.

But. 

I did have my sister and her best friend over.

And we drank champagne.

I was kind of quiet all night.

And am still a little introverted.

Usually, when I drink champagne, I feel bubbly/free spirited/optimistic of sorts?

This time I just felt lost in thought.

Thinking of: how amazingly generous and trusting my parents are, how much I'll truly miss them, how ridiculously intelligent my sister is, how she becomes radiant when she speaks of things that rile her up, how I'll deal with being lonely, how I am so in love with Lilo and her needy qualities that I play into much too often.

Last night, I had a slight emotional break down. I was reading in the bible and something triggered my thinking to shift towards death. Mine. Those who I love. It's just a lot. I can't think about it without developing a lump in my throat. Not as though this is something that I just seriously took notice of, I've definitely attempted at wrapping my brain around it before but it always results in me crying. A lot. It's something I really need to work on. Luckily, I had Diana to give me soothing words and calm me down, as usual. She is great at that. Really, I just need truth and I need peace. 

Speaking of the bible, I got Daniel's from his house today. His bible is much more engaging than I assumed it would be. As soon as I opened it, I just wanted to read every detail and explanation offered. I found myself reading about 3-4 pages in a half hour. It's rather captivating.

Seeing his mom made me miss him so much! We could only talk briefly because she had an engagement to attend to but it was great to talk even if it was short lived. She wants to get together this week to have some coffee or yogurt and I'm so excited! In all of my 2 and a 1/2 relationships, I have never felt such a warmth from a boyfriends mother. I could just go on and on about how kind she is to me. 

Hm, well tomorrow is Saturday and exactly one week until I am off into the land of Santa's and Barbarians. I think I will see Nicole and Natalia. I hope, at least. I have a feeling this week is going to rush past me in a dizzying rate. 

Daniel, I miss you and wish I could just kiss you. That one kiss would be satisfying. 

Okay, yeah.