From. From From From. My heart.

I'm home and it's great for all that it is. I love being home. I love that the sense of homey-ness has reemerged. But I'm not home free, if you will. I'm still battling this "thing" for lack of a better word. I have moments where I'm so good and then I'll just sink low soon after. It's like the second I begin to hold my head up, I'm socked in the stomach! I don't understand this. I think it's overwhelming, exhausting, taxing and any other synonym for too much. Spiritually, I'm at a low point. Fortunately, it's better than it was when I was back in school but I'm definitely not fully restored just yet. I feel this blocking, a wall, something invisible holding me back from truly communicating with God. Even at the times when I pray I feel as though my words aren't good enough, aren't complete or just empty. It's the strangest and most distant of feelings. 

I was hoping that spring break would be a time of healing and renewal from all this but it's not really starting off that way. I understand it's only Monday night. I don't know what I was expecting. Some rapid turn around, I suppose. 

I'm absolutely tired of this. So tired of this low. I'm done. I want to stand with God's armor surrounding me. Keeping me up. I am incapable of doing this alone. I've tried and failed. Everything will be okay.

Thank you Diana for your endless friendship and support. You are incomparable.